Friend or Foe ? How do you know ?‏

Along the journey of life our mind is continuously forming judgments and concepts; some are fleeting while some seem to make strong impressions...

Among many people we come across in life, we assume some as our friends and think that they will be by us and may be some even if not necessarily as foes but who we prefer to not even come across....

At a recent incident some such concepts were blown away for me...
One of my Uncle has not been well and when I went to see him, in his feeble condition he asked me or my sister to stay back at their place which we found strange that why he wanted us to stay. Both his kids are in US and in such health condition he & his wife were somehow managing with help from extended family. On his request I stayed back that night and I am so glad that I did.

That night which I stayed up taking care of him was something I will never forget. Although it seemed like I was staying for him in fact he did me a favour to let me experience the profound realities of life. It put me in close quarters to life, death, sickness, ageing, relations and so many such aspects. It taught me many lessons of life in the most practical way that I could have learnt which I will share in another post.

By morning he got really sick and it was just me & my aunt at home with him and when we called the doctor about his condition he said he needs to be taken to the hospital immediately. My aunt was in panic and we called other family members but all of them are at such distances that even though they live in the city, we couldn’t take a chance to wait for them to arrive.

Sometimes you wonder how people just show up as if someone answered our calling for help.

At that instant walked in father in law of my uncle's son. These in laws have been quiet a trouble for my uncles family and his son and it had almost come to a point that they would prefer not to come across them as much. But that morning when he showed up there was no choice, we told him the situation, he called the ambulance and was there the entire time and stayed back at the hospital that night too. He was doing whatever he could in his capacity and but for his timely help it would have been a challenge...

This situation took me by surprise and it left me thinking, my uncle spends a lot of time with his friends, in fact more with them than his own family or extended family and in a situation where he really needed support none of his friends were there. They didn’t show up until a few days in the hospital and here was someone who didn’t necessarily have a good relation with my uncle became a strong support.

Usually in such situations our mind and people around us encourage to form new concepts that these friends are no good, they didn’t come to help in time and some such conclusions but to me it seemed like it was not to form new concepts but to break all concepts. Yes it might strike or even perhaps hurt that those whom you think will stand by you are nowhere to be seen. But if we really see if not those we expected yet someone unexpected does come over to help.

We don't know when or how and who will come & stand by us in the need of the hour ... Friends have a role to play in life. Don't just rely on them and revolve life around them and don't hate or avoid anyone. Along life we form such craving and aversions and when we people we love are not by us it tends to make us averse to them and when people that we think we hate our ego doesn’t seem to allow asking for help. If only that ego could dissolve even that hate can transform to love. In reality we never know who is the one to help us in what situations.

It seems like there is no friend or foe, it is just people sharing life... sharing different flavors of relations and human emotions and while our mind still attempts to reason it out with some logic, at the end of the day we do witness that there is a power that makes things happen in a way that we couldn't have planned our life...

Life has its way of teaching us time and again to break out of concepts and judgments, the question is , Are we willing to ?

Shattered Dreams...

To dream is natural for every individual and perhaps in each one’s life those dreams may have accomplished or on the way to completion or may be shattered beyond expectation and it seems each one of us has a certain way of dealing with it when our dreams come crumbling down.

A recent article in the newspaper caught my attention; a carpenters daughter from a small village studying MTech IIT. For a carpenter what a dream it must be to see his daughter in such good education and for his daughter to have a dream to become something in life ... there must have been so many people inspired by them and set their dreams in that direction that it is possible but some dream of that young girl must have been shattered that she committed suicide in her hostel room.she must have considered that dream or desire bigger than life itself that when she saw no hope in that direction she ended her life, By that she not only ended her life but ended the dreams of many that they had for her.

There was yet another incident that a person who had his dream shattered felt the only way of dealing with it was taking the life of someone that came in the way of his dream. More recently we heard of whole family killing themselves or someone opening fire in public. In the news we hear about youngsters committing suicide or going to the extent of taking others lives and it is often that they resort to that step when some faced with a situation/person that they are just unable to accept.

Somewhere we have forgotten how to handle ourselves when our dreams & desires are falling apart and the road one has taken seems to go nowhere. I wonder how ending one's life or taking others is in what way the solution. It is understandable to have helpless and desperate moments in life, tell me who doesn’t at some point in life. It is in those moments that we need to be careful not to do anything that could impact our life or others in a miserable way.

While we are walking on a slippery road, we look for support be it a wall or a branch of tree or even a strangers hand so we can cross without falling but when we are falling & failing in life why do we hesitate to reach out to someone to hold our hand through...

Sometimes it may happen that the support you are trying to hold on to may not be strong or will let you down and make you fall but you gather yourself andstand up & walk ahead, so why not in the road of life... 

Sometimes the hurt of the fall is there till the end of the road or the end of life but then we don’t stop living...

Every person will have someone or the other to whom their life & living still matters, dreams fulfilled or unfulfilled, goals reached or not reached , there are people who would still love & care for us...

why hesitate to take that support in those helpless moment. If only we have learnt that life is bigger than the ego, life is bigger than a dream and that our life is more valuable than what we think of it to be....

If some hurt can give the reason to take life...
Some Love can also give the reason to live Life...

Strangely, in those miserable moments, we look for love & support in the same place as hurt 

and forget to look for it elsewhere ... 

We may not have learnt to master our mind & emotions but what is there to learn to ask and hold someone’s hand. We did that as a child and so we started to walk but now as an adult we have walls around our heart that don’t allows us to connect freely with others. we have concepts, inhibitions, judgments and unfortunately none of those are helping us live a happy peaceful life but still we carry them.

Sharing is important in life, it doesn’t matter with whom you share but that you share matters... 

Earlier with joint families and more cohesive & belonging society people did this naturally and we had less problems of the mind. Now that people have become more independent and in some way closed about their emotions & thoughts which are fermenting and manifesting as ugly outcomes.

We are ok with formal, casual relations. We may have 1000 friends on facebook and many followers on twitter but we don’t have even a few that we can open our heart and be ourselves. We have forgotten what an unburdening experience it is to have such a company.

If we think we don’t even have one like that better make one, find that one and keep that one... 

and if possible be that one for someone else ..

When our dreams come shattering down it is that one that we need the most..That one will give the strength and tell you that your life is bigger than your dream, so what if one dream is destroyed, live to dream yet another one. you are meant not for just one dream but many along the way of life, Someone that will say, Dream on, I am with you… 

Never be too shy to show that you love and care because you never know who would need it desperately in their life at that time in their life…

It always surprises me we never hesitate or postpone to express our unpleasant emotions like anger, sadness etc but when it comes to showing our love & affection we shy away. We got to be the one to say in words or actions atleast to some people in your life that  I am with you come what may.

You never know what strength this may bring in their life  and saying it to someone perhaps gives us the purpose too.

Life is for Sharing.... not just Dreaming....